For eight years during the 90′s I was one big lactating mass of motherhood.
I started nursing Allison in Jan of 92 and did not stop until eight years later when Andrew turned 3 in the fall of 99.
I have always been a diligent journal writer and some of my best stuff has been written while in the throes of new mother sleep deprivation. Most of the content for my first three books was captured from my personal journals written during those early years mothering my older children. It sort of became a running joke in my journal that I would begin the entry by writing, “I should be washing dishes right now, but I feel like writing.”
I can promise you reader, the dishes did eventually get done, but I am so grateful that I had the focus back then to lay housework aside every once in a while and share what was in my heart in the pages of those journals.
This morning I awoke at four am and found myself feeling the same old tug, to go to the computer and start typing…
When Andy, the baby in the above picture, was three, I weaned him on his third birthday. I had weaned Jeff at the same time and for consistencies sake, decided to stop on September 7th, 1999. Three weeks after the wean I had this burst of emotional, mental, and physical creativity hit my body and mind like a tornado of renewal and force. It was real and I realized how much of my own energy and essence had been invested into my children during those eight years of on demand, baby led, LLL Style, breastfeeding.
As the energy hit the Holy Spirit whispered, “NOW it is time to write Jen”. I had experienced many spiritual promptings during those years that I was supposed to write about Mothering and continually felt frustrated that I did not have the time or energy to write anything more than a few paragraphs every couple of days.
I began with my first book A Mothers Journey. Every morning I would wake up at four am, sneak down to the basement where our family computer was stashed and start typing. I would type for an hour or two until the children woke up and then I would begin my day of mothering. I found that I was able to edit with the family around, but I could not find the mental energy to type unless if it was quiet and I was alone undisturbed…
Thus began my writing adventures. I feel like I should insert here that I am not a writer. I don’t have any training in writing and make many grammatical and speling errors in my books and blog posts. I also don’t have much time for editing and perfecting of books and posts. All of my books, blog posts, and comments on the internet are riddled with typos and a general smashing of the English Language. And my ability to communicate has constantly been questioned by those English Teacher trolls who generally have nothing to add to a debate beyond, “Hey Jenny Hatch, you suck as a writer because you mispeled a word.” I usually ignore these people as a waste of my precious time, but it does get annoying, they seem to think that those of us sharing on the web have to pass some certified test of grammer and syntax and word usage and editing and punctuation!!!!! if we don’t we are somehow not worthy to rite or share our thoughts on the web. Rong! We Mom Bloggers are just as able and willing to add decent web Kontent to the Marketplace of Idears as anyone in the werld.
As the years passed and I found myself engaging more and more on the web, I really questioned the amount of time spent debating, writing, and posting. Was this important? Should I deep clean the bathroom more often? I justified my time spent on these endeavors by thinking about how much my words would have meant to new Mama Jenny Hatch when I was getting started in my mothering. Back in the 80′s I had to spend copious amounts of time at the local library doing research and requesting inter library loaned books to find the information that I was seeking about Natural Mothering.
The web had not been thought of and blogging was a distant dream hidden in shadows. Whenever I typed those heartfelt posts and books, I always thought of the young mom surrounded by medical insanity who was being told to ignore every instinct towards what was natural and healthy by everyone around her. I wrote for her and for her children.
This past summer I took a huge blogging break to spend more precious time with my oldest daughters who were preparing to leave home for College. I had the thought, I will spend more time on my blog when Ben starts third grade. I have invested 22 years into my family and although we had homeschooled him last year, I was determined to “get my day back” and have hours and hours to spend perfecting these little happy homes on the web known as The Natural Family Blog and Blogging Mothers Magazine.
Life sometimes demands something different.
Last week Ben stopped attending our local elementary and is now home. And I once again find myself in the roll of homeschooling Mother. Our local school was not a good fit for him and we lost our slot at the Charter when he pulled out last year. So many conflicting thoughts swirling around in my head. The main thing I find myself mourning is just the luxury of time alone, time to think, time to enjoy the quiet and a less hectic day. Its not like spending time with an eight year old is one big neverending morass of pain and suffering, but it will “rob” me of hours that could have been spent in more creative pursuits, like the ultimate three minute You Tube, or the most hilarious spoof on hospital birth every created that goes viral in less than eight hours, and the most enlightening and inspiring post ever conceived on the joys of Orgasmic Birth.
I can see these posts and videos in the distance….waving at me, but an eight year old needs his mom, and now my boys at Seminary will be walking in the door in about fifteen minutes and they will be wanting breakfast, and a pile of laundry and dishes is calling to me from the corners of the house…..”Jeeeennnnnnyyyy, come wash me, come clean me, come organize me…..” And I have to relagate blogging back to the shadows of my life as I FOCUS on the needs of one of the most precious people in my life.
It is now 6:39 am. Time to stop typing and time to start Mothering. I’ll be back, but no promises about ANYTHING. If I miss a month or two publishing the magazine, or I don’t post for a couple days…you will know that I am helping with a Saxon Math lesson, going on a field trip to the mountains, or visiting a museum with my son. And what I really think about it…who cares if I spend five hours a week blogging instead of fifteen hours or twenty or thirty? How many times can you zing the medicos for the dismal way they do EVERYTHING??? Wether I say it in thirty words or six hundred, the message is the same.
Grab your Sovereignty Mama, and NEVER let it go!
Gotta make some oatmeal….